How to turn “win” into “whine”

     This year was supposed to be a “sure thing” for Democrats, with generic Democrats handily beating generic Republicans.  But current polls show a close race, and some even have McCain ahead.  What happened?

Here’s some tips from the DNC’s “Snatch Defeat From the Jaws of Victory” manual:

1. Waste your brand name – When the voters hand you a big mid-term Congressional victory, immediately declare that “impeachment is off the table” and continue business as usual.  That way the voters will decide that there isn’t a dime’s worth of difference between the parties.
2. Select an empty suit as your nominee – Find the least qualified candidate in modern history, and rig the outcome so that he is declared the nominee despite losing the popular vote and all the key battleground states.
3. Divide the party – Have your selected nominee run a divisive campaign that alienates key constituencies, like women, rural and blue collar voters.  Continue to insult and offend them even after the primaries are finished.
4. Piss on your past – Have your selected nominee denigrate the legacy of the most successful Democratic President since FDR.  Then accuse the former President of racism.
5. Run to the right – Don’t pay attention to polls showing that the voters are longing for a liberal/progressive leader.  Have your candidate take positions and use rhetoric similar to the GOP, further blurring distinctions between the parties.
6. Whine a lot - Have your selected nominee complain about everything, and blame everyone but himself. 
7. Be arrogant and presumptuous – Have your selected nominee act like he has already won, have him stroke his ego with things like faux Presidential seals and staged events.
8. Play the GOP’s preferred game – Have your unknown empty suit nominee run a character-based campaign against a former POW who is well-known, respected and well-liked by the media.  Make unfounded accusations of racism and cheating against him.  Lather. rinse, repeat until November.