How to turn “win” into “whine”

     This year was supposed to be a “sure thing” for Democrats, with generic Democrats handily beating generic Republicans.  But current polls show a close race, and some even have McCain ahead.  What happened?

Here’s some tips from the DNC’s “Snatch Defeat From the Jaws of Victory” manual:

  1. Waste your brand name – When the voters hand you a big mid-term Congressional victory, immediately declare that “impeachment is off the table” and continue business as usual.  That way the voters will decide that there isn’t a dime’s worth of difference between the parties.
  2. Select an empty suit as your nominee – Find the least qualified candidate in modern history, and rig the outcome so that he is declared the nominee despite losing the popular vote and all the key battleground states.
  3. Divide the party – Have your selected nominee run a divisive campaign that alienates key constituencies, like women, rural and blue collar voters.  Continue to insult and offend them even after the primaries are finished.
  4. Piss on your past – Have your selected nominee denigrate the legacy of the most successful Democratic President since FDR.  Then accuse the former President of racism.
  5. Run to the right – Don’t pay attention to polls showing that the voters are longing for a liberal/progressive leader.  Have your candidate take positions and use rhetoric similar to the GOP, further blurring distinctions between the parties.
  6. Whine a lot – Have your selected nominee complain about everything, and blame everyone but himself. 
  7. Be arrogant and presumptuous – Have your selected nominee act like he has already won, have him stroke his ego with things like faux Presidential seals and staged events.
  8. Play the GOP’s preferred game – Have your unknown empty suit nominee run a character-based campaign against a former POW who is well-known, respected and well-liked by the media.  Make unfounded accusations of racism and cheating against him.  Lather. rinse, repeat until November.

13 Responses to How to turn “win” into “whine”

  1. garychapelhill says:

    9. Get a really big bus.

    10. Throw everyone you see underneath.

  2. Pat Johnson says:

    Love it! You truly enumerated all the wrongs attached to this dirty campaign.

  3. Prolix says:

    MyIq, great and spot on.

  4. Mawm says:

    I think the text “continue to insult and offend” from rule 3. Divide the party should actually be it’s own rule:

    9. Attack Voters – Insult and offend average voters. Blame them if your candidate does poorly in a contest, and goad them continually with the phrase, “Where You Gonna Go?”.

  5. CognitiveDissonance says:

    Wow, it sounds totally ridiculous when you lay it out like that. And yet, that’s exactly what happened. I would bet that even Karl Rove is shaking his head in disbelief.

  6. […] How true are the words to this song when applied to our current “situation”!!! And how prescient are my old time heroes, Rodgers and Hammerstein in their 1949 broadway musical, South Pacific. Here’s a South Park-inspired version. This post was inspired by myiq2xu’s: […]

  7. Still4Hill says:

    A work of art.

  8. bostonboomer says:


    It’s so sad. When I think back to 2006 and how excited I was that the Dems won both houses of Congress it makes me sick. I just can’t believe they blew it this badly.

  9. merciless says:

    And in late November, Number 11: When the election is over, blame all of the above-mentioned constituencies for your loss, and accuse the entire nation of racism.

    BTW, I didn’t know until just now that you had your own blog, or I’d be over here hounding you mercilessly.

  10. dcattorney says:

    Thanks for the excellent list – I am sending it to my “on the fence” friends, they are beginning to get it.

  11. madamab says:

    Great post! The list format really demonstrates how mind-bogglingly idiotic the whole campaign has been.

  12. kc says:

    Excellent post–I was just checking sites and came upon this. Love this one.

  13. kc says:

    btw, where is that picture of Obama from? I haven’t seen that one. I guess it’s the studied ‘pondering’ look.

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