The New Emperor Is Butt Naked!


Once upon a time there was a country that was searching for a new emperor.

The media in this land used giant horns called “viators” that they would blow into to spread the news.  These “blow viators” decided that since they were smarter than everyone else they would choose the new emperor.

They picked a young man famous for two things: running races and never wearing clothes.  He had won several races only because his opponents had mysteriously tripped and fallen.  Everyone called him Butt Naked.

The blow viators spent many months telling everyone how wonderful the young man was, and how terrible his opponents were.  They ignored or disputed anything bad that was said about the young man, and made up bad stuff about everyone who opposed or disagreed with him. 

Not surprisingly, the young man won.  They held a very expensive victory parade so everyone could clap and cheer  for the new emperor, and all the wealthy blow viators were puffing on their horns.  As usual, the young man wore only his birthday suit.

Now in this land there were some dirty foul-mouthed people who lived on logs in a nearby bog.  These “bog loggers” were poor  and not too popular but they were outspoken and inordinately proud of their ability to tell the difference between shit and shinola.

Some of the bog loggers watched the parade, and one of them, a young boy named Creek, yelled “The emperor has no clothes!”  When people tried to shush the boy he yelled even louder “THE NEW EMPEROR IS BUTT NAKED!”

Everyone stopped in shock.  Then Creek’s sister pointed and asked “Is it supposed to be that small?”

The new emperor screamed “SHRINKAGE!” and ran to the castle with both hands covering his stimulus package.

The blow viators whispered among themselves and decided to pretend like nothing had happened, and they continued to tell people how great the new emperor was.  The bog loggers ignored the blow viators and kept telling people that the new emperor was Butt Naked. 

Eventually most of the people and even some of the blow viators realized that the bog loggers were right (although some of them claimed they had known all along that the new emperor was Butt Naked.)  There was one group however (whose brains were severely damaged by the artificial flavorings and colors in a powder they mixed with sugar and water to obtain enlightenment) that forever kept insisting that Butt Naked was really a sharp dressed man.

Then it was time to choose a new emperor, and they did it all over again.


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